This evening has been remarkable. It’s the first evening where I feel mostly relaxed about the holiday. I message a few people who are having a stressful time, an reassure them that it’s all right to not feel great around this time of the year.
Christmas has been up and down for me. Our family had a lovely time in Hawaii back in 2010, where we drove down the Hana Highway on Christmas Day. We’d exchange presents and try to enjoy the day. A few years ago, there was a stressful holiday and that affected all subsequent holidays and brought on the Scrooge feelings. I get trepidation up until Christmas Day, and then the trepidation vanishes with the presents and the cheer.
The Scrooge feeling is the sense of feeling holiday grumps. You worry about why you’re not feeling the same cheer that everyone else is, and if disaster will strike. Some people who’ve had sick relatives over the holidays have negative associations with Christmas, or some bad luck. You feel like you cannot enjoy things, even if you donate or volunteer or buy presents.
Scrooge is not a role model, mind. At the beginning of A Christmas Carol, he is a miserly grump who ignores his nephews, insults his workers, and turns down charity. His old partner comes back in ghost form to warn him that cruelty begets karma, and he needs to change.
Feeling like Scrooge does not make you a Scrooge. It’s all right if this Christmas isn’t your Christmas. We all have our ways of handling the holidays, and you should handle it the best way you can. We can have mixed feelings about joyous occasions.
I’m going to spend mine exchanging presents with my family and watching Home Alone. And I’m going to enjoy the lights. I hope you can all fine joy tomorrow.